The Prodigal Daughter

THE PRODIGAL DAUGHTER

April 13, 2006
Maundy Thursday

I met my spiritual director early that morning, just as we have scheduled. I was excited! For the first time after a few hours , I can talk about what I feel. If you feel many things and you don't have anyone to talk to, you feel like exploding! But God gave me the grace of patience. The feelings were able to wait and shared with my SD.

First Period of Prayer
1:30PM, Immaculate Conception Chapel

Readings: Luke 15:11-31 "The prodigal son"

I was given a guide on what scriptures to read and how to go about my prayer periods. I was told to possibly make at most 3 for today, and 1 tomorrow.

I started with the story of the prodigal son. I've heard, read about these passages a number of times, especially during Holy Weeks. Reading the passage this time was different. I have seen myself more clearly in the story. I'm the prodigal son.

Many times, I didn't care much about the Father. I have failed to attend masses because of this and that reasons. I prefer sleeping than going to mass. I felt lazy. Or, if schedule is tight, I would choose to do my thing and forget about masses.

But this doesn't mean I have totally forgotten about my faith. I still pray, I still believe in God during those times. It was just that I was too much comfortable with my life and God was in the background. It’s only when life is difficult or when I am in pain that I remember and call God’s name. And He never failed to listen to my call. And here I am, too lazy to do my duties as Christian. I feel guilty now because I have acknowledged the sacredness of the Holy Eucharist. Mass is highest form of prayer!

God's Healing...

Realizing all these, and trying to follow the guide my spiritual director gave, i went on and prayed for God's forgiveness and healing. In one of the retreats I attended in Zamboanga, we were asked to close our eyes and imagine Christ in front of us and tell Him what was in our hearts.

I did that. Praying for the graces, I want to picture Jesus in front of me while saying what I feel. It's not praying. It's saying. I want to have a personal conversation with Him. That was I wanted.

Kneeling...with hands clasped, I slowly closed my eyes and tried to imagine Jesus. I saw Jesus, in His Most Sacred Heart, in front of me, holding my clasp hands! And there...I didn't hold back anymore. I just felt myself crying, my heart was soooo heavy! Felt sorry for all the things I did that hurt Him. It was like unburdening. It was like really talking to a friend, to someone you have hurt! Like a child, the more I am comforted, the more I cry my heart out!

Then I realized this: When a relationship fails, the one who truly loves get hurt. Jesus is hurt every time I turn my back from Him. Feeling it during that time makes me really ashamed of myself!

Accepting my failures, surrendering it to Him, slowly, the heaviness in my heart fades...