Heaven, Hell, or Love

"Pagkabighani" [Prayer of St. Francis Xavier]
(A.Alejo, SJ and M. Francisco, SJ)

Hindi sa langit mong pangako sa akin
Ako naaakit na kita'y mahalin
At hindi sa apoy, kahit anong lagim
Ako mapipilit nginig Kang sambahin

Naaakit ako nang ika'y mamalas,
Nakapako sa krus, hinahamak-hamak.
Naaakit ako sa 'Yong katawang may sugat
At nang tinanggap Mong kamataya't libak.

Naaakit ako sa Yong pag-ibig.
Kaya't mahal kita, kahit walang langit
Kahit walang apoy, sa Yo'y manginginig.
H'wag nang mag-abala upang ibigin Ka.
Pagkat kung pag-asa'y bula lamang pala.
Walang magbabago, mahal pa rin Kita.



I fear death. Then something happened. I was a victim of dengue fever. I was in the hospital for 5 days with my platelet count going down everyday. Then there was the possibility of breast cancer. I had a "mass" somewhere in my left breast, and the doctor was trying to debrief me of possible diagnosis. There I realized that death is real. It's not a myth, it's not selective. It happens to everyone.

I may have survived the dengue fever last year, or had false alarm with the "mass" in my left breast, but my picture of death didn't change.

This song reminds me of my relationship with God. Why do I fear God? Because I fear hell. Why do I love God? Because I want to be in Heaven when I die. What if there's no Heaven? or Hell? If this is my reason of loving God, then I don't wonder now why I kept on turning my back from Him. I had patterns of sins! I questioned my faith several times. Why do I repeat the pattern? Because this is my basis of my faith : Fear of Hell or Love for Heaven.

I have changed my reasons... I love God not because I fear Hell, but because I love Him! He is the reason why I am here. He is the beginning and the end of life. When a friend loves you and you love him back because of who he is, that's a strong foundation. You accept both the strenghts and weaknesses of the person. That's the same with God. He loves me even with my sinfulness! His goodness made me realize many things... and I love God because of His goodness and love. Because He is LOVE!

And the greatest symbol of God's love is the Cross.
The greatest manifestation of God's love is His Son, Jesus.